No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
