laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
