dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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