no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
