I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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