He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
