its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
