i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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