forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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