Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
