who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
