It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
