my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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