the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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