Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
