so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
