Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
