But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
