Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
