And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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