i permit you to call me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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