i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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