All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
