I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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