yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
