I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
