If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
