And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
