I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
