Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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