Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
