my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
