i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
