If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
