oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
