Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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