More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
