the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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