i just wanna soil my oats bro
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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