Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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