you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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