Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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