Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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