Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
