Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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