Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
