sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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