First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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