his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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