Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
