gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
