Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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