he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i've created a new STD.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize