Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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