HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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