What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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