Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
