My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
