just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
