I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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