How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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