I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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