New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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