Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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