Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
